CREATING BETTER BOUNDARIES
What do you think of when you hear the word "Boundaries?" For many
of us it may mean the ability to say No. Saying No, however, is often just the
tip of the iceberg. Discovering why we say Yes is often more important.
Researchers in every field of human study agree that boundaries are essential
to a meaningful, well-lived life. They promote health, inner peace, confidence,
safety, positive relationships and service to others.
To understand the importance of boundaries, look at the world around you.
In their book Better Boundaries, Jan Black and Greg Enns give us some examples
of
boundaries found in everyday life. Nature has boundaries – oceans go so
far then stop, cliffs have edges and mountains have valleys. Cultures have boundaries
through language, customs, beliefs and rituals. An of course boundaries are found
in our everyday life in the form of building codes, zip codes, area codes, deadlines
and even recipes and baking times!
On a personal level, boundaries define who we are. If you are a person with
clearly defined boundaries, you know yourself and your strengths. You will
be able to
state clearly what you can and cannot do and you will recognize and respect the
boundaries of others. You will know which relationships and opportunities are
healthy ones for you. Boundaries allow us to be our best in every situation and
allow others to know what to expect from us.
No one is born with boundaries. We learn them from our parents, teachers, friends
and neighbors. Those early experiences determine how we relate to others today.
The good news is that we can learn to create new, and perhaps more appropriate
boundaries. First we must understand that setting boundaries is an ongoing process
of listening, understanding and respecting ourselves.
If you have decided you want to create better boundaries for yourself, here
are
some things to remember:
Pat Powell, LMFT