Teens and how to Build Connection
Teens are such finicky creatures. Their brains are effectively under construction, their bodies are full of new hormones, and they are facing new challenges constantly. The pressures of school, friends, and sports are hitting an apex in their lives thus far and so are their levels of stress. It’s no wonder their moods change like the wind and leave the loved ones in their wake confused and uncertain. It’s incredible to see teens step into new seasons of life, but it can be hard for those who love these teens to know how to connect. When they’re kids, it’s easy to cuddle and watch a movie, play at the park, or play with dinosaurs to bond. However, when the teen years hit, it can be hard to know how in the world to connect, build relationships, and talk to them.
Here’s just a few ways to try to connect and listen to our teens:
Bond over shared experiences and interests; take them to their favorite concert if you can swing it, find a show you only watch together, learn about their favorite music or team.
Find what they need to cope with stress and find ways to do it with them (go on a drive with fast food and music, bake cookies, go on a walk in the rain).
Be flexible; they may want to talk at inconvenient times (usually when you want to sleep!) but lean into the times when they want to open up.
Listen without correcting, teaching, or challenging; there is a time for all of these, but to connect, we have to listen and listen and listen more.
Sometimes connection without eye contact (car rides, walks, hikes) can be disarming.
Take what you can get without pressuring or forcing the time to be longer, and they may lean into it more in time.
The goal of this time is not to make them happy or to fix them or their problems. It’s just to sit and listen, hear and see who they are as humans, and enjoy your teen again. They don’t always know that they need support and connection, especially from a parent or safe adult, but we can do our best to be a disarming presence for them to decompress near. All teens are different, so this will look different for everyone. Feel free to get to know your teen’s needs and even ask them how they’d like to relax or hang out. Teens also notoriously need personal space, so hold loosely how this timing can look!