Gilmore Girls and family dynamics
Gilmore Girls is a show full of wonderful friendships, challenging family dynamics, and a constant stream of pop culture influence. Some people see the main mother-daughter relationship as ideal while others recognize some flaws in the family dynamics.
Let’s start with Lorelai and Rory, the main characters of the show. Lorelai is 32, Rory is 15, and they live together as best friends first, mother and daughter second, as Lorelai states a few episodes in. While some would see this as goals, it raises a few concerns about what this means for Rory. Having a parent who is mainly your friend, and doesn’t have strong boundaries around expectations such as eating a healthy meal once in a while, it can feel overwhelming to be in charge of your own life at a young age. Rory is very self motivated and works really hard at school, but it leaves room to wonder if Rory became this independent naturally or did she have to take on the role of almost parenting herself because her mom focused more on fun. That’s not to say that Lorelai isn’t an incredible mom to Rory in so many other ways. She is loving, life-giving, and brings so much joy into their home. She pushes Rory to go outside of her comfort zone by going to a school dance and doesn’t appear critical of Rory having a different personality than Lorelai.
Lorelai had Rory at 16, after which she left home and started her new life alone. She’s always been hard-working and independent, to the extent that she doesn’t often accept help. She left behind her father Richard and her mother Emily, with just a note stating that she was gone. Her father appeared to be very disengaged in her life, which probably led her to seek outside male influence in boyfriends. Her mom appears controlling, with high expectations, and an even higher value on how others view her family. Lorelai had a complete physical and emotional cut off from her parents, even though there’s no outright reason for this from a safety standpoint. Lorelai called the house stifling, but in leaving, she also removed her daughter from grandparents who loved her.
Due to how she was raised, Lorelai had a complete pendulum swing in parenting styles. She was raised authoritarian, in a Do As I Say household. She then pivoted to be much more permissive with Rory. At most, this led to unhealthy eating habits, coffee addiction, and Rory parenting herself more than she should. But for other kids, this way of parenting could have been much more challenging for their development.
You’ll have to watch the show to see what happens in the end and if they all work out these dynamics. However, if this show has ever spoken to you and how you feel with your parents, if you feel you’re stuck in an enmeshed family dynamic where the boundaries are blurred, or you find yourself in a full cut off that you don’t understand or agree with, therapy can be a great resource to sort through next steps towards health and connection. Sometimes a neutral third party can be incredibly helpful in untangling family dynamics, whether that’s with your whole family or just one on one with a therapist.