The Hidden Weight of Shame
Shame is the invisible string attached to the puppet—pulling you in directions you can’t always explain. It hides in plain sight. Sometimes it covers up with anger when it really wants to cry. It can look like slamming doors instead of curling up in a ball. It can sound like silence when your voice longs to be heard. Shame is slippery—it creeps in quietly, lurks in the background, and begins to shape how we see ourselves and how we move through the world.
For many people, shame doesn’t just whisper “you’re not good enough”—it shouts it. It convinces us to shrink, to keep quiet, to stop trying, to hide parts of ourselves that deserve to be seen. Shame keeps us in survival mode, pushing us to avoid or defend, to project blame onto others, or to stay stuck in patterns that feel safer than risking rejection.
The truth is, shame can show up in all kinds of ways. It may look like defensiveness in a conversation, accusations when you feel cornered, silence when you long to speak, or avoidance when what you really crave is connection. At its core, shame tells us that we are flawed beyond repair—that we don’t deserve love, belonging, or acceptance. And when we listen to it long enough, shame can hold us back from living as our true, authentic selves.
But there is hope. Shame isn’t the end of the story. By noticing how it shows up in our lives and getting curious about its origins, we can begin to loosen its grip. Reflection, compassion, and support can help us challenge the lies shame tells and slowly rewrite the messages we carry about who we are.
If shame grows in darkness, then bringing it to the light is its kryptonite. What would it look like in your life to bring shame to the light? Once you are able to discover the roots of your feelings of “not enoughness” you can then begin to change the story your brain has created and talk back to your shame. When you can acknowledge that shame has been lying to you, you release its power.
Shame is compelling because it convinces us to believe lies about the core of who we are. Do you notice yourself relating to any of these common lies shame tries to convince us of?
“I’m not good enough”
“I’m a burden to others”
“If people really knew me, they’d leave”
“My feelings are too much”
“I don’t deserve to be happy”
“I have to be perfect to be worthy of love”
“My past mistakes define who I am”
If any of those questions struck you, it may be helpful to begin your journey in discovering and uncovering your shame. Here are a few self-reflection questions to help you continue exploring shame in your own life:
What kinds of situations or relationships make you feel “not good enough” or embarrassed about who you are?
What were the messages in your family about what was “good” or “bad” to think or feel?
What has shame stopped you from doing or trying?
What parts of yourself do you try to hide for fear of judgment or rejection?
What messages about yourself would you like to unlearn and rewrite?